wow havent been on here in forever, but i need to vent.

I hate these moments.  I hate it when I feel so stupid and like an insignificant piece of shit.  I hate when others brag about their accomplishments like it’s no big deal when mine don’t even stack up.  It’s these moments when I feel so low and insecure and jealous.  i hate that I get like this.  Why can’t I just accept the fact that my biggest goals and dreams will never happen? 

I want to go to a top-notch school in or near the city.  I need to, I’m desparate to.  I want more than anything to get accepted into Fordham, Stevens Tech, or even NYU. I want to prove to everyone that I could do it.  I want to prove to myself that I can do it.  I know I was an average student in high school, a couple Cs here and there.  But college has changed me.  I feel more driven.  Although I go to community college now, I’m really trying. I’m getting all As this semester, and next semester I’m taking 17 credits on top of work, club meetings and volunteer work.

Apparently, that’s not good enough.  People keep telling me, that 17 credits is nothing, compared to what they are doing.  They keep saying that I must be nuts to apply to NYU.  They look at me and see nothing but a stupid little girl, thinking she’s hot shit.  They are probably right. I probably should stick to what I know and be average.  Because the sad truth is, I probably will never get my acceptence letter in the mail to Fordham.  This is the part where I give up, right? 

Fuck it, I know I’m not the smartest person. But I’m me, and I’m going to try my best, even if it means taking the 17 credits instead of 21.  And I’m going to get all As next semester.  And if i dont get into NYU, i’ll apply to the next best school in the city. and keep trying. And keep my dream alive, because I know that people are always going to make me feel like complete shit and like I am nothing compared to them.  But I know I’m gonna be okay in the end.